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LOVE TIPS
HOT
TO FALL IN LOVE NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK
Would
you like to fall in love? In spite of what everyone else says, do
you want to believe love is out there for you? Have you heard how
all the good ones are gone, no one wants to make a commitment these
days, and everyone is married?
There
are lots of negative voices that will tell you that love might exist
but you will probably never find it. Don't believe them. Here are
some of the ways you can fight off the messengers of hollow hope:
*
Stay away from conversations that lead to conclusions of hopelessness.
Just
because that is someone else's opinion doesn't mean it has to be
yours. Look for conversations of possibility that start with words
like, "I can," and "I will."
*
Resist being manipulated by the media.
The
media may whisper or scream that you need to look or act in a certain
way in order to attract someone. People who are overweight, bald,
past the age of 50 or more, driving a late model car, or wearing
'60s polyester suits meet and fall in love every day. So can you.
*
Pay attention to selective exposure.
People
who feel and think the same way begin to believe that this collective
viewpoint is a law. If you think there is no one out there for you
and you have gathered unto yourself five or ten friends who think
the same way, then you are going to be rooted in this belief, and
you will act accordingly. Make a conscious effort to find and hang
out with friends who have a belief of possibility and hope.
Build
a bank of people who can resist the voices that say all the good
ones are gone. In fact, the next time you hear that phrase, stand
up and be heard say, "All the good ones can not possibly be gone
I'm still here!"
THE
BEST WAYS TO FIND TRUE LOVE
Look
at the one right beside you
It's
very common for single people to spend their time searching and
searching for the "right person." Zen suggests that we stop running
around and instead see what is right in front of our eyes.
Look at a person who is close to you in your life right now. Whether
this is a friend, a potential mate or more, notice the ways in which
you push him away. Stop doing that. Just allow the two of you to
be together in whatever way you are. Accept everything about your
relationship as it is.
Do the same thing tomorrow with someone else. This doesn't mean
that you have to consider marrying every person who crosses your
path. It's just an exercise to see how commonly you might dismiss
people who are already in your world because you're busy waiting
for the "right one" to appear. But the more "right" you can be with
everyone, the more you can open up to the very real possibilities
of the present.
Stop
playing around with love
So
many singles complain that they are not loved. The reason for this
can be quite simple. They are so busy playing games that potential
partners never get to know who they really are.
What roles or games do you play in relationships? What roles do
you expect others to assume? Chances are, you follow a pretty clear
pattern, but the question is: Are you falling in love with the person,
or with the role that he plays? If you're not sure about your roles,
turn them around for a little while. Try playing different roles.
Experiment with someone who plays roles that you are not accustomed
to. Notice how that feels.
The goal is to become aware of the difference between who you are
and the roles you play. Eventually you'll be able to let the roles
go and simply be who you are -- which is a Zen-like state of being.
Who you are is always lovable and beautiful. It's the roles that
get in the way.
Let
partners come and go
One
major obstacle in living a life of love is the tendency to hold
on. We grasp and cling to each other, preventing the freedom of
love from rising on its own. Zen asks us to let go.
When someone comes into your life, let him come. Welcome the person,
whoever he is. Enjoy what it is he brings, even if it's only for
a short time.
When it is time for a person to go away, let him go. Do not turn
the person's leaving into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment.
Realize that his leaving has nothing to do with you. It is simply
time for him to go.
Do this with yourself as well. Let yourself come and go freely in
life, and don't get caught in unnecessary chains. The more you free
yourself and others, the more easily you fall in love.
Put
your baggage down
Many
feel that love is not possible unless all their demands are met.
However, these same people are repeatedly amazed when they find
that these demands don't lead to happiness. Instead, the demands
are just obstacles to falling in love.
What are your "must haves" for relationships? If you're not sure,
write out the list and take a good look at it. Realize that this
is baggage that may be keeping all kinds of people and possibilities
away. This baggage may also make you fearful, rigid and closed off
to what is available for you right now. Zen asks us to break free
of old demands.
Try letting one of these demands subside for just one day. Notice
how you feel without it. (Remember, you can always take it back
again.) Then try it another day. As you do this many times, you
may find that things you thought were crucial for your life were
really getting in the way. The more you do this, the more light
and happy you will feel. Plus, this openness allows all kinds of
new people, possibilities and situations to start coming your way.
You will have made room for them by putting your baggage down.
Give
gifts
Giving
and receiving are at the core of every relationship. When we are
in love, this is never a problem. We naturally give and are happy
with whatever is offered in return. If you want to open up to falling
in love, adopt this state of mind and start giving naturally.
What gifts do you give others in relationships? What do you hope
to receive in return? Now take a moment to consider what else
you can give someone. Then give it. Do this every day. Each day,
give something else. It does not have to be fancy or expensive --
or even a material object -- just something that will add to his
or her day. Then do this with all kinds of different people. Zen
is about doing this kind of thing quietly without great fanfare
and without expecting something in return.
Do this with yourself as well. Take a moment to find out what kind
of gift you would like. Simple examples are taking a walk in the
park, buying a new lipstick or spending time with someone you care
for. Now give yourself a gift each day.
Although this exercise is simple, it is extremely powerful. Doing
this daily can turn everything around in your relationships. When
you give, remember not to look for anything in return (not even
a smile or thank you). Just give to give, with no expectations,
no demands. By living with this open, generous mind, all kinds of
other gifts come to you naturally.
Make
friends with yourself
Many
people say they are lonely, even when they have a partner at their
side. This is simply because they have not yet made friends with
themselves. According to Zen, once you come to terms with yourself
and appreciate who you are on a personal level, it is impossible
to be lonely anymore.
Make friends with yourself. Spend time noticing who you are. Accept
all parts of yourself. Stop judging and rejecting what is going
on inside. Be still and look within.
Start with this exercise. Pay attention to your breath and just
notice what is going on. Let it be. Accept it, and return to the
breathing. Understand that, breath by breath, underneath the clamor,
you are perfect just as you are. Can you choose to be this natural
self in relationships? Can you choose to have relationships with
those who want and appreciate just what you are? Making positive
changes in your life -- and your relationships -- can start with
something as simple as taking off your shoes.
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